It’s a Mad Rush

Here I am again, sitting in front of my computer at 11pm, working. It feels like that is all I ever do – working. And when I’m not working I am thinking of work. And about all the hundreds of things I need to finish, need to start or need to control. My brain is racing from one minute to the next and when I get to bed at around midnight I can’t fall asleep because of all the ideas that are fighting to get my attention. Have you experience this? I think it is a curse of being a creative. A necessary evil to keep cranking out new ideas and to stay inspired.

But to be honest, it gets real tiring moving at this pace all day. And then there are the children that need my attention, need to be picked up, dropped off, need help with projects or studying.  Oh and don’t forget to get the groceries, feed the dogs, do the laundry and have supper ready at a decent time – it is a mad rush to get everything done.

And that is just the domestic side of things. Being an entrepreneur can be a life threatening experience, I tell you.

So, I am forcing myself to think about myself. And to try to make time do something for only me. And let me tell you, it is damn hard. I am not getting it right either. I am trying to find an answer as to what I spend my time doing before I had my business. I loved photography, but that is now my business. I love to go out with friends for dinner and drinks – but that cost too much and will cause me to have a few too many hangovers.

So, I am left with the conclusion that I have no hobbies! I am trying to convince myself that I don’t need any, that working is a virtue and that getting better at photography is as good as any hobby. But this is just not healthy. And neither is it holistic or authentic – something that I used to believe so strongly in before the desire to succeed in my business became all-consuming. It makes for a boring dinner guest.  It makes for a poor business-owner.  It makes for a poor artist.  It also makes for burn-out in the long run. I need an outlet outside of my business and I need it soon.

In the next few months I will be exploring a few ideas as to what I can do to be in the moment, to experience true enjoyment outside of the job (that I love!). I will share with you the things that reappears in my life as favorite pass times or things I used to enjoy. Maybe I will even discover something I can call a hobby. And hopefully it will feed my soul as much as it feeds my business.

  1. Hope you find something… or use your photography to do something. I LOVE taking photos for childrens charities. You need to get pleasure from your photography…. not just using your camera as a business tool

  2. Kat Forsyth says:

    You go girl! I’m right there with you, but thankfully, without kids I have a bit less to cope with!

  3. Try everything you mentioned AND have a day job! 😉 Seriously, I kinda know what you feel and go through – hope you find that something…soon!

    Maybe you should come out urbexing with us once? That’s sheer exhilaration and gives pleasure without the pressure of delivering in a business sense – that’s what keeps me sane at the moment.

  4. Sharon says:

    I understand your dilemma. As a home schooling mom AND helping my fiance with running the golf club and lodge, getting anything done for me is impossible. It has been YEARS since I went for a facial or even a mani or pedi. I’d love to fit in some me time, but for that I need more hours in a day!

  5. Vanessa says:

    I was a pen and ink illustrator for many years. Had 2 sons worked from home so you can never get away from the business that way. Loved working from home and longed to have a completely separate space for it at home without leasing a cold studio somewhere.

    I’m retired now and got into photography. I love it. No intentions of running back into a business at this point. As you said it’s fun until…

    It can still be fun even with all the responsibilities. You’re on the right track. Find a place for you. It’s not selfish. It’s necessary if you want to grow old gracefully instead of drained of all joy for life.

    I enjoyed drawing until it became business but there was the “Every now and Thens” those clients that just revived me because the projects were just wonderful.

    There is really no easy answer. It’s like a budget out of control. You have to stop spending to save your self from going under. Same thing. Something has to go. Hard but true.

    You love your work and photography and your family—and life so you must find time for you. Personally, I love people but thrive on being alone.

    Time for you is a place where no one wants anything from you. You can be you and do nothing if that’s what you want.

    I had a photography friend that I could talk to many years before I got into it. We were kindred souls. I was always refreshed after being around him. Just friends and nothing more.

    It’s hard to explain a connect like that but they revive you without even trying. I could be stupid, lazy or quiet around him and he could too. Neither of us wanted anything from the other.

    Even one friend like that is more precious than hundreds of admirers. Find a place for you.

    You know the saying, No one on their death bed ever said they wished they had found more time for the business. Lol. Learn to say no–with love.

    Well, I’ve talked too much now. Love your work. Bella. Bella. Bella.

  6. Wow! I’m so late to see this post! Good Luck Hannelie. I must say that I have a lot of respect for moms having day jobs/weekend jobs as well. You are an inspiration!