Here I am again, sitting in front of my computer at 11pm, working. It feels like that is all I ever do – working. And when I’m not working I am thinking of work. And about all the hundreds of things I need to finish, need to start or need to control. My brain is racing from one minute to the next and when I get to bed at around midnight I can’t fall asleep because of all the ideas that are fighting to get my attention. Have you experience this? I think it is a curse of being a creative. A necessary evil to keep cranking out new ideas and to stay inspired.
But to be honest, it gets real tiring moving at this pace all day. And then there are the children that need my attention, need to be picked up, dropped off, need help with projects or studying. Oh and don’t forget to get the groceries, feed the dogs, do the laundry and have supper ready at a decent time – it is a mad rush to get everything done.
And that is just the domestic side of things. Being an entrepreneur can be a life threatening experience, I tell you.
So, I am forcing myself to think about myself. And to try to make time do something for only me. And let me tell you, it is damn hard. I am not getting it right either. I am trying to find an answer as to what I spend my time doing before I had my business. I loved photography, but that is now my business. I love to go out with friends for dinner and drinks – but that cost too much and will cause me to have a few too many hangovers.
So, I am left with the conclusion that I have no hobbies! I am trying to convince myself that I don’t need any, that working is a virtue and that getting better at photography is as good as any hobby. But this is just not healthy. And neither is it holistic or authentic – something that I used to believe so strongly in before the desire to succeed in my business became all-consuming. It makes for a boring dinner guest. It makes for a poor business-owner. It makes for a poor artist. It also makes for burn-out in the long run. I need an outlet outside of my business and I need it soon.
In the next few months I will be exploring a few ideas as to what I can do to be in the moment, to experience true enjoyment outside of the job (that I love!). I will share with you the things that reappears in my life as favorite pass times or things I used to enjoy. Maybe I will even discover something I can call a hobby. And hopefully it will feed my soul as much as it feeds my business.